Eating without tasting

You got to cry without weeping
Talk without speaking
Scream without raising your voice

Lyrics from U2 Running to Stand Still

I had a follow-up appointment with my local neurologist on July 21, 3 weeks after diagnosis. He gave me a referral to a gastroentetologist for a feeding tube consultation. It took a while and several phone calls before I finally got an appointment for Aug 30.

School started August 8 and things were in full swing from the get go. By the second week of school I had developed a little cough. When I noticed a coworker coughing the same way I decided to go to my family practice nurse practitioner to nip it in the bud. This same week my cough assist machine broke and I couldn’t do the therapy to break up mucous in my lungs. My nurse practitioner is so awesome. She prescribed a liquid z-pack for my cough, she diagnosed thrush (my mouth has been raw and hurting since December but she was the first medical practitioner to look closely at my tongue) and prescribed an antifungal swish to use 4 times a day. She gave me a Prevnar shot for pneumonia. I told her my husband was going to call Digestive Health to try to get me in sooner because I have been aspirating water and eating more slowly and had lost 5 pounds. She asked if I wanted her to call them. I said that would be great. She would call my husband the next day with her results. She couldn’t make any progress with Digestive Health but she lined me up with a general surgeon. I got a call from my husband asking me to meet him for a consultation  appointment at noon. Before we left that appointment we had surgery scheduled for Tuesday 9 am.

At my preoperative appointment on Monday a nurse told me all about g tube surgery and use.

I had had laparoscopic surgery twice I was not very worried about the surgery.

Here’s a post op pic

And the post op belly

It is freaky to me how quickly I was unable to eat or drink enough. I am lucky to have gotten my g tube placed as quickly as I did. The day after surgery I was surprised by the amount of pain I had. This surgery went through my stomach wall. The other two laproscopic surgeries I had were on reproductive parts, and I had little to no pain after.

A dietician from the home infusion company came out to meet with us early Wednesday. She left some samples of Boost Compact, which is complete nutrition in 4 ounces. I am supposed to have 5 bottles a day, with 60 ml of water before and after each bottle.

A home health nurse came over that same morning. She had a lot of paperwork and took my vitals and taught me how to get in and out of bed while minimizing pain. She also redressed my wound and discussed Do Not Resuscitate papers I will carry with me since I do not want to have a tracheotomy.

When I was a teenager I didn’t particularly like eating. I remember discussing food with a lawyer I worked for. He said how much he loved food and he wanted to eat all the time. And I said, “not me, if I could take a pill with complete nutrition I would.”

When I met my husband Stan he introduced me to good food. He is a very good cook and enjoys fine restaurants. I grew to love delicious food too. I am going to miss enjoying meals with family and friends. I hope to still be able to taste food and at least at home, do my tube feedings at the dinner table. I will enjoy a couple breaks a day at work to sit in my car and listen to music.

With a couple days of tube feeding under my belt I realize I will be living with the smell of stomach contents on my hands and clothes until I find a waterproof drip catching system when I open the tube. Barf is the word that comes to mind to describe the smell. I think I will figure out a new system quickly. Editor’s note: I quickly learned to pinch the tube and have a small glass to catch any overflow. I have Wet Wipes in my feeding kit now too.

Life is full of ironies. When Andy was a baby we fought against getting him a g tube because we had met other older preemies who were having major complications from g tube surgery. And almost 16 years later, here I am with a g tube.

I can get used to this. I was able to do a tube feed during family dinner at a restaurant and finished eating at the same time as everyone else . I was able to taste little samples that others shared, of their pasta dishes and fish.

A different home health nurse came by on Friday. He was a great resource on tube feeding and told me some tricks and explained how to put crushed meds through the tube and how to watch for dehydration. We also got a delivery of two weeks of formula for me. My formula is called Jevity 1.2 cal high protein nutrition with fiber. It is not sold over the counter.

Since Thursday I have been having diaphragm spasms causing an annoying cough. The home health nurse Tim said my diaphragm has to get used to the tube being there. I have been using my suction machine this weekend because of excess saliva and pleghm in my throat that I can’t clear on my own.

I will keep on going even if I’m running to stand still.

Please consider contributing to my #whatwouldyougive campaign which runs through 8/31/16. Thanks to my many donors who have helped me raise more money than I imagined possible when I started the campaign for research to end ALS almost a month ago. #whatwouldyougive

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