RIP Stephen Hawking (1942 – 1918), theoretical physicist and quick-witted man who lived with ALS for 55 years.
In the visible world, the Milky Way is a tiny fragment; within this fragment, the solar system is an infinitesimal speck, and of this speck our planet is a microscopic dot. On this dot, tiny lumps of impure carbon and water, of complicated structure, with somewhat unusual physical and chemical properties, crawl about for a few years, until they are dissolved again into the elements of which they are compounded.
Photo Explanation: In the shadow of Saturn, unexpected wonders appear. The robotic Cassini spacecraft now (2011) orbiting Saturn drifted in giant planet’s shadow for about 12 hours in 2006 and looked back toward the eclipsed Sun. Cassini saw a view unlike any other. First, the night side of Saturn is seen to be partly lit by light reflected from its own majestic ring system. Next, the rings themselves appear dark when silhouetted against Saturn, but quite bright when viewed away from Saturn, slightly scattering sunlight, in this exaggerated color image. Saturn’s rings light up so much that new rings were discovered, although they are hard to see in the image. Seen in spectacular detail, however, is Saturn’s E ring, the ring created by the newly discovered ice-fountains of the moon Enceladus and the outermost ring visible above. Far in the distance, at the left, just above the bright main rings, is the almost ignorable pale blue dot of Earth.
I have loved this photo of Saturn with the tiny dot of Earth far far away, since Neil DeGrasse Tyson used it in a presentation at the University of Nevada back in 2011. Seeing photos of how truly small we are in the Universe makes Bertrand Russell’s quote above even more poignant.
Seeing photos from Ash Wednesday last month reminded me of all my childhood Ash Wednesdays – getting ashes (of what?) spread in a cross on my forehead while the priest said, “Remember man, that you are dust. And to dust you shall return.” Being a geologist, I like the idea of being part of Mother Earth after death. If I donate my brain to ALS/FTD research, can I still be cremated and request where I want my ashes spread? I will have to research that.
From my mother-in-law Cathy, who is reading Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Astrophysics for Busy People; to my mother-in-law Sharon, my sister-in-law Terry, and Keia (one of the foster teens I mentored), who are all into energy healing: it all comes down to energy and particles and waves.
But in the years between being dust and going back to dust, there is a lot of being human that takes us so far away from remembering that we are mortal.
Some people leave this earth suddenly, but those of us with fatal diseases get time to contemplate our mortality. It makes me sad to think of leaving all that I know about this amazing planet and all the people on it that I love, especially Stan and Andy.
And my cross to bear is this mucus problem. I finally got all cleared out and found a breathing technique to open up my throat by belly breathing (our natural way of breathing that gets closed up by the stresses of life). But then I thought my bipap was broken because I am waking up all dry, but it was not. I am waiting for a new mask (on order) which could be part of the problem. But it is now difficult to keep my mouth closed especially when it is dry and it gets dry from the air of the bipap even with the humidity turned way up. So I have to work to get all cleared out again each day. I have tried a chin strap but I have an overbite – orthodontics weren’t as good when I was 12 as they are today. So I have trouble keeping an airtight seal when sleeping. I have ordered another type of chin strap and we will see if it works.
I need to put a caveat on the breathing program I shared last week. It will only work for ALS patients who still can control their diaphragm and intercostal muscles between their ribs and their transverse muscles. I apologize for presenting it in a way that sounded like it could benefit all ALS patients.
So I did not get my usual winter break from mucus this year. Even if I figure out how to stay balanced, grass pollen will be back soon and my allergies will be back too. And this year I know that antihistamines cause thicker mucus, so I will have to stay away from them. My new breathing technique will help but I will be tied to my machines and home. But home is a nice place. After all these years, I am working on my office, which had been cluttered FOREVER. I got a good start – a new rug and new window bench and lots of recycling. But now I have taken a break from decluttering to get taxes done, but I will get back to the decluttering – I have big plans as long as I have enough time on Earth. And I can use a humidifier in this small room and help keep my mucus thin enough to swallow, usually.
I also decided to quit adding fiber to my diet – I think the added fiber was contributing to my reflux. And I will add walking before meals – I may need a pollen mask. I walked around the block on Monday before lunch and a few hours later I had thick mucus, that would only loosen up a tiny bit with guaifenicine. It is not like my usual allergy mucus. I will see my General Practice Doctor Wednesday afternoon. I hope I am not sick. In the meantime, I am using nasal saline spray in my mouth, along with guaifenicine, and I can get clear going through the tedious cough assist and suction routine – deep suction only in 10-second intervals because longer times risk lung collapse. I can only use guaifenicine every 4 hours but saline spray as often as I want. It tastes very salty to me because I have not had salt in over a year (except for that Pacific Ocean natural netti pot on New Year’s Eve with the vacuum cleaner suction).
There are flowers blooming outside, snow on the mountains, and my orchids are happily blooming in my south facing kitchen window. There is still a lot to enjoy in my remaining days alive on Earth.